Bio: Seamus O’Maoiliriain was the third son of the keeper of Cragg Castle, in Ireland. This privilege, if any could be counted – for this is an Irish Tale – was short lived. When Henry VIII invaded Ireland, under the banner of the Catholic Church, Seamus’ father and brothers promptly took arms to fight the intruding armies. Alas, they were all slaughtered in battle, leaving young Seamus an orphan and his mother a widow.
But Seamus’ mother was a resourceful woman. Not wishing to lose her only remaining child, she fled to her paternal home in Scotland, where she seeked the protection of her father, the Keeper of Falkland Palace. Her father welcomed her home but promptly sent her off to her brother, the Cardinal of St. Andrews, as she was the product of an embarrassing peccadillo from his younger days and did not want her around as a continuous reminder of that. Besides, his brother could more easily explain the illegitimate child for he was noted to have quite a few.
And all was well and it would seem that Seamus’ place in the world had been restored. But alas, this tale is not only Irish but Scottish, and soon after his arrival his mother passed away. Young Seamus, an enterprising lad just like his mother, soon took employment with the Cardinal but this too was not to last. St. Andrews castle soon found itself besieged by the Protestants who, no sooner they had taken the castle when they slew the Cardinal and hanged him naked from the outside walls. Their sense of humor in the face of harassment was sadly lacking.
The Church thing just wasn’t paying out for Seamus – far too many killings and tortures. Being down on his luck he did what all good Irish do! Take your sorrows directly to the local pub. Or in Seamus’ case, the bawdiest drinking hole in the Port of St. Andrews. It was here that he relayed his tale to a kind group of strangers. Tales were told and enough beverages were plied to make a cat sing. And of course, a melee ensued. Seamus was quick to blade and quicker to feet, legging and leaving foe in his wake. In midst of battle he did hear, “Yep, he’s an Atlantian thug in the making.”
That day Seamus did learn a valuable lesson: “If you’re gonna stick your head out you’re gonna get hit.” In this case he got hit with a beer mug and the last thing he remembered was a voice saying, “Hey guys! We just got ourselves a cabin boy!” That night the Flotsam, under the command of the infamous Catalina d’ell Aqcua, sailed from Scotland for the fair shores of Atlantia with a Seamus onboard.
AS THE FLOATSAM FLOATS: Not too long after the beer mug incident, Seamus introduced some democracy aboard the Flotsam. As a result, the Cat has been voted Governor of her own island and Delphina is the new captain of the Flotsam. Unexplainably, Cat has not been happy with this turn of events, even though the generous offers of rum by the loving members of her former crew. Rumor has it that the indigenous creatures of the island also took a vote, and that the Flotsam found Cat floating aimlessly at sea.
When pulled aboard she inquired of Seamus, “How can I get my ship back?” Seamus, with a look of innocent surprise upon his face as to why she would ask him and not the Captain — but not to miss such a wonderful opportunity — replied with a canary eating grin, ” Like any good Pirate, work your way up from cabin girl!”. (Some aboard thought they heard the Cat mumble, “How bout I just kill you,” as they dragged her below deck.)
UPDATE:Captain Cat has now recovered command of the Flotsam by the simple means of bribing Delphina into giving her back her ship in exchange for a the black hat of the Chaos Pope. Consequently, Seamus has been demoted to barnacle. Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of “As the Flotsam Floats!” (This story has been brought to you by the color gold.)
Quotes: Daggers are for fools…God I love them!; It wasn’t a mutiny it was a democratic vote!; Hey, nice island . . .want some rum?; I am so ashamed! Yoo Hoo Cabin Girl!
Nicknames: Cabin Boy (The Irishman formerly known as); Golden Boy; Shameless; Mollusk. This is just the beginning. Stay tuned!